right now i am frustrated. i go out with friends where i sit, and even in a room full of people i feel alone. i go home after work, i am awake, and i feel stuck. it's funny though, because i meet new people on a regular basis....but.. i don't know.. it's a very specific type of connection that is lacking. i don't have any room for more acquaintances. what i do have is a large gaping hole that needs to be filled with something real.. something consistent. i don't want to say that it has to be love or sex... i mean, maybe thats all it is, but when i state it that way it feels like i'm oversimplifying it.
when i meet these new people, these faces at parties and bars, i'm hoping each time that they might turn out to be real people. people who care, or call, or eat breakfast with you, or talk about art and life and families and music. but mostly the faces just keep on being faces. they smile and say 'hi', it's nice and friendly, but it's nothing.
..i should add a disclaimer; i am not oblivious and i have to take responsibility for my own pickiness. not everyone who reaches out to me for a connection feels right, and i do shut people out. this is why i can't let out a cry that the world is unfair. i have opportunities that i let pass me by.
my train of thought is loosening now. the point might be foggy. i'll end with something positive:
i love Cher in 'Mermaids' and 'Moonstruck'. i think it's fantastic and i don't care how many times in that 5-6 year period of movies that she played the same charachter. it makes me happy in my heart. it's ridiculous. :)
