..In the meantime..

kim and i played music yesterday. we discussed it and we have enough material to finish 3 songs and play R4$. it would be me on bass, kim on guitar and mitch on drums. i am excited about the idea. mainly because it has the potential to actually happen. we laughed as we traded instruments and played, we laughed because we are both talented and there is no excuse for why we don't play live. :S ...more updates to come...

aside from that bleep of interest on my radar i have been fluctuating between gray and calm. yesterday i went to the dr. she said that she missed me but that she understood my not coming to see her is a good sign. i told her i was getting by and seemed to be okay. she started me into the process of the main reason i went to see her as well. ball is rolling.

emotionally i am just so fucking touchy. it's as irritating to me as it is to the people i love in my life who have to deal with it. an example.. i'll have a disagreement with one of my best friends over something silly that means nothing, and my mind immediately comes to 2 solutions. 1 is to move back to saint john, fuck all this, at least it's familiar and safe. 2 is that this little argument is just one of a million and i am exhausted and sick of it and if this is going to continue why not just off myself now and that'll be the end of the irritation. i have to follow this expression immediately by saying i will not do either of those things, i am ok. but my mind goes there so quick sometimes..it's foolish. but another example is that yesterday i went to the dr, then to the grocery store, then waited for the bus to come home, and the whole time had this serene, euphoric feeling that everything was going to be ok, and that i am in this city and i am staying here and even the flaws in my situation are beautiful in a way... i'll have departures into each of these moods several times a day. i am not sure what that means or if it means anything.

ending though: the bassline for the 90's Spacehog song 'In the meantime' is a pleasing one.